The Question:
My ex demands that the children only wear the clothing he purchased when they are returned to him, and if the children want to wear something from my home, he removes it at the exchange location and hands the items back to me. What can I do?
RJ Says:
There is certainly a more reasonable and child-centered way to handle clothing concerns than what your ex is doing. Removing clothing at the exchange location can be emotionally jarring and distressing for the children, and courts do not look kindly on behavior that prioritizes control over the child’s comfort.
In my 33 years of doing this work, I’ve seen co-parents successfully resolve this issue in a number of ways:
Use a neutral exchange wardrobe where each parent keeps a set of clothes at their home.
Agree that whoever receives the child keeps the clothes they’re wearing, then returns them clean at the next exchange.
Let the child change clothes at home, not during the exchange, to avoid conflict in front of the child.
If your ex refuses to cooperate, it may be time to consider getting the court or a mediator involved. A strongly worded letter from an experienced attorney may be enough to prompt a change. However, if not, begin keeping written records and evidence of this behavior. That documentation can become valuable if you need to involve the court.
Another option to reduce conflict is to use a neutral exchange location—like school, daycare, or even a monitored drop-off point. These environments make it more difficult for one parent to engage in inappropriate or controlling conduct.
Family law judges focus on what’s in the child’s best interests, and exchanging clothes in a parking lot isn’t it. If necessary, we can ask the court to step in.
A qualified and experienced family law attorney can assist you in considering your options and developing a plan that protects your child and enforces reasonable conduct. Our office offers free half-hour consultations, where we can discuss your matter in detail. Call (602) 256-7575 to schedule yours today.